There is an I in FAIL

So I took a test today that I felt pretty prepared for. I actually studied for about 2 hours last night--yes, me, I studied a head of time for a test instead of cramming the morning of. I made out a detailed study guide for the type of question I was made to believe I should expect. I even hand wrote the study guide, woke up early, went to school an hour before class and typed it. I was thinking that if I could see the material twice and retain it better. Which actualy worked pretty well. I waited outside my classroom, reading over my now-printed out study guide which by now I could pretty much recite by heart.

The class settled in. Only about 12 people were brave enough to take the test. As the teacher came in with her stack of exams, I felt confident... Bring it on, baby! Then, I saw the test.... Take it back, please!

I wasn't prepared at all for the questions on the exam. But the policy is, "If you see the test, you take the test. And if you take the test, I grade the test." Needless to say, I sat there in a state of complete shock followed by a deep depression. I must have stared at the words for a full 10 mins, hoping there was something on the page that would save me. No dice. I wanted to cry. But I pulled myself together and just started writing.

I wish this were the paragraph where I say I started writing, things started flowing out fluidly, and I realized I knew more than I thought. I wish I were writing, "while making my study guide, I picked up a lot more than just the answers I was looking for." But life isn't like that. Not mine. Not this time.

I fucked up. My focus was so narrow that I left no wiggle room for the possibility of another type of question being asked on the test. So now, I wait for the dismal score to be returned. I've already told myself it's a 0 and have worked out the different scenerios required for a decent gpa from the class.

I'm learning to live with my decision. I'm upset, yes. But I also know the professor has a right to ask whatever questions she wishes. And I'm supposed to be prepared. I know that now. And I'll know for next time. Guess that's the real knowledge gained from all this.


.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Silver Lining

Often times, I'm shocked and appalled at what passes between humans these days. How we can so easily hurt each other. How immoral things are now considered the norm and there are those who would make a profit of it. I'm talking to you, Ashley Madison! Still, I know there is hope.

Nothing examplified this better than the unexpected gift I got this morning:

After being caught behind a terrible car accident on the interstate on my way to school and making it to campus later than planned, I decided to quickly duck into Coates to get a little snack before class. I emptied the change from my wallet (because what I wanted isn't in the machine that accepts TigerCards) and proceeded to the vending area. I put my quarter through the slot and heard a hollow clanking from the machine. It didn't register. Being a Barbe kid, I know that all vending machines have their temperments and some require "special treatment" to work. So I didn't panic, I simply retrieved my quarter and tried again, this time being careful to roll the quarter slowly down the slot. Clank. No dice.

Still, I had other coins so I tried a dime thinking maybe the machine was full of quarters and couldn't accept anymore. Tender amount: $.10 Sweet. I try another. $.20, $.30, $.40 I'm out of dimes. So I try a nickle. Clank. Sighing at the dismal realization of not getting my morning noms, I pressed the release button and retrieved my change from the machine. As I turned to leave, I noticed a girl standing behind me smiling and holding out a dollar. I don't know the amount of time she had been standing there, but I'm guessing it was significant enough to know I was having trouble with the machine taking my change. I thanked her and gave her my handful of change. She even stepped back to allow me to use her dollar to get my snack. After snatching my animal crackers (yes, this was all for animal crackers) from the bottom of the machine, I thanked her again and dashed off to class.

That girl was still on my mind while walking through the quad. Instead of being impatient and tapping her foot or sighing louldly to alert me of her presence, she had waited calmly, watching my plight with the machine and then offered help after I had given up. She didn't know me and still, she helped.

Some people call it a silver lining. Some call it moments of unscripted grace. Some call it Ace Ventura Jr. For me, it's a girl in Coates with a spare dollar.

So, to that girl in Coates with a dollar, thank you (again). Thank you for letting me know my faith in humanity is not wasted and that there is still good in the world.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.