Oh wow. Where have I been? This semester has definitely been stressful. Trying to keep all my relationships in tact while not tanking my gpa in the process. So much of me just wants to say "Fuck it" and wait it out for another semester. Doesn't seem so bad. But so much planning and preparation had gone into a winter graduation. My mother is proud of me which I admit is pretty nice for once.
But when I'm pretty stressed, out of ice cream, liquor (note to self: remedy soon), and not enough time to watch Man in the Iron Mask, I turn to my blog. Because at least here, I know I can vent without fear of retribution or judgement.
So... here goes..
I hate who I am sometimes. I saying "This is what I want." Makes me feel like a bitch. Like, who am I to demand things from the universe? What have put into it? And everything I have put into it wasn't for my own benefit... Was it?
This guy at work is constantly doing nice things: taking shifts, staying late, volunteering his time to the rec, etc. He says he's "building up good karma" and one day, he plans to "cash out." I don't know if I agree with that thinking. But I do think every once in a while I should be able to say what I want and not feel bad about it.
But I do.
And I feel horrible about it. I want you to do things like we discussed, like we planned for. Us. Together. But at what cost? And am I willing to pay it to get what I want?
.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.
