No, you're not crazy; I really do smell like popcorn.

While most people were celebrating the fact we had a full 2-week break from school, I was groaning at the fact I'd be working through the holidays. Even Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Sigh. I really miss sleeping into 1--okay, okay, 3 in the afternoon; getting those random wake-up calls from Harrison before he and Sadie storm into my house to pick me up to "do stuff;" generally, hanging out with my friends.

But wait! There's more...

I just had to request New Year's Eve and New Year's Day off. Sadie's is going to be amazing!

.:~o*'Kaylyn'o*~:.

Suffocating

I'm not well
as you can tell.
This is hell.
It's hell.
Awful, wretched, bloody hell.

You wish to fix me
twist me,
mold me,
shape me,
make me,
into your own.
How bold!
How droll.
How cold.

You try to make it right
but (to be honest)
it's quite
annoying
boring
I'm snoring.

I'm suffocating
drowning
trying
to figure it out.
What's this all about?
What's it all about?

Will no one save me?
Is there no bravery
left in the world?

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Accepted

When reading J.K. Rowling's novel, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I have to say one of the most memorable parts is when the main character gets his letter from Hogwarts. "Dear Mr. Potter," I remember perfectly from the motion picture, "we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry..." I think this was a very important part because it lets the reader know everything is about to change for Harry.

I decided to start my blog this way because just recently I received my acceptance letter from one of the schools I applied to for college. My first reaction (much unlike Potter) was excitement. I began squealing and jumping around. I felt like I was on top of the world. Then, as I sat on my couch reading the letter for the zillionth time, I realized something: It's beginning.

Before I know it I'll be moving into a dorm, meeting some stranger I'm supposed to live with, signing up for classes and starting "the rest of my life." This feeling is strange... different. On the one hand, I'm excited. To think I'll be out on my own with no one to answer to but myself. However, I'll also be leaving behind the things I've held dear for so many years. But it is relieving to know I do have somewhere to go once I graduate high school.

Well, I've got my letter... And just like Harry, I find myself at the beginning of a journey of self-discovery and self-realization.

Wish me luck!

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Haha. Life.

Life is really... funny.

When it comes right down to it, life is scary. It's like this unmovable force that thrusts you forward into growth and maturity while you desperately cling to the comforting past. And that's where memory comes in, I guess, to help you through the rough times of break-ups and rumors with thoughts of your elementary school friends or your first kiss.

People are always talking about how their life is so bad. How they find themselves in a tunnel with no light. But is their life so bad? After all, life is nothing more than a collection of time. Now how you decide to spend that time is where living takes place. So how can your life be bad? It doesn't make much sense to me. There's no such thing as "bad" time. A minute is a minute. A year a year. A life... well, yeah.

This "self-evaluation" of life (if you wanna call it that) comes from my sudden realization that I'm not the person I thought I was. The girl I used to be. I thought I was brave, outgoing. Apparently not. The old me would've have been able to march right up to [censored for privacy] and tell him/her/it exactly how I feel. How could the same girl who boldly asked out a senior when she was only a sophomore find herself suddenly shy around another? There must be some unexplainable force pushing me to consider consequences and the dangers of imbalance. Haha. Life.

I had this thought when starting this blog. It doesn't really apply now that I've gone off on the tangent, but I'm going to put it here anyway (because I think it's really deep). If I wasn't so sure someone else said it before me, I'd say you could quote me on this. But I am, so don't. (Unless it hasn't been said. Then, by all means, quote me.) :

One has to die in order to be immortal.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Savvy?

So, in honor of Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End DVD release, and also resulting from the monotony that is Mrs. Washburn's 6th hour class, I've decided to write a pirate-themed short. It's my first time so don't expect anything great.
____________

(From the Captain's Log found at the wreckage of the merchant ship, the Muerte.)

27 Sept.

I found myself pacing the deck of Muerte once again last night. Or, rather, early this morning. My dreams--well, I speak in this case of one particular reoccurring dream--have awoken me once again and I was unable to fall back into a peaceful slumber. The dream is always the same: I am a portrait of my younger self on the shores of Costa Verde. As I walk the beach, the waves playfully brush against my ankles; almost as if to beckon me towards the sea. I continue to walk with seemingly no destination in mind when I strange sight catches my eye. A single black sail rises from the horizon and with it an entire ship begins the take form. As it draws nearer, I can't help but to notice the waves begin to darken to--well, to put it quite simply, the color of blood. The sky is black despite the daytime hour. Bewildered, I stand there on the shore waiting for the ship to make buff. It draws nearer and I begin to notice one more strange thing about this monstrous ship: It lacks a man at the helm. There is no crew. This is a demon ship from the pits of Hell risen to claim my soul in payment for my transgressions! I begin to think. Before the ship can reach the shore, however, I awake in a cold sweat with my heart racing. For three nights, I have pulled on my boots and climbed to the deck in order to clear my mind of such dark thoughts. It doesn't seem to help much.

John Archer,

Captain

30 Sept

The men are beginning to notice my lack of sleep. It affects my better judgement. Just this morning my first mate, Young Masbrow, pulled me aside while the rest for the crew ate their dinner. "Captain Archer," he said to me, "I've known you since I was boy. We've seen many things together..."

It had been hours since my last meal and I was beginning to feel fatigued. My patience was short. "Out with it, boy." I spat.

"Sir," he went on, "the men are becoming concerned about your health. Mostly your mental health. They asked that I talk to you about this. So tell me," he looked into my eyes and I in his, "what troubles you?"

He was right. The men had a right to know. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't let my crew know of their captain's weakness. This, too, will pass. I'm sure of it.

John Archer,

Captain

______________

Sorry about the length. I got lost in my own wirting and forgot where I was going.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Rumor has it...

I never too much worried about rumors. There was a time I thought as long as you kept your head down and your mouth shut, you had nothing to worry about. How very, very wrong was I!

I over-looked one crucial detail: People suck. Yes, people suck. Because people are never satisfied enough with their own lives so they greedily lick up the very drop of gossip that hits the circuit and people can't wait to spread it like some verbal STD. It doesn't matter how outlandish, how unbelieve or impossible the rumor is--in fact, that seems to be more desired--people will spread it without a second thought. And why? Because people suck.

And I'm not excluding myself from this statement. For I, too, am human. And I suck. But I have the sense of porpriety, the decency, and the bravery to say ask questions or to not spread unbelievable rumors unless I've heard them from the source. And I mean the source. Not their bestfriend. Not that girl in their 5th hour. And most certainly not their ex!

But, as I said, people suck. People can't wait to tarnish someone else's spotless record and expose the mere possibility that something may have happened behind closed doors in the hopes of taking the spotlight of their own soiled reputation. People just love to drag others down into their own depression and lonliness by taking away one of the hardest things to salvage: a reputation.

So, to all the people out there, you suck.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.


P.S. - And for the few exceptional souls out there who don't mindlessly spread rumors... Thank you. You don't suck. As much.

Untitled

(Taken from the notebook of a one, Miss K. Hawkins)

Got my last Math 113 test back. 110 out of a possible 100. Maybe my mom was right about this class being too easy... Oh well. The final's next Thursday so no reason in turning back now. Today's lesson: Solving Systems of Linear Equations. Story time!

_______________

The blood had been savagely splattered on the walls of the one-bedroom apartment since three o'clock that morning. Detectives Mallory and Camp of the New York Police Deparatment crossed under the yellow caution tape and stood in awe of the hideous scene. Jacob Mallory folded his arms against his chest and gave a long whistle. "Whadd'ya think, Camp?" he said.

"I think we have ourselves a serial killer," she said after running a hand through her long brown hair. She took a few steps toward the mass covered by a plain white sheet, bent down and threw the cloth back with one hand. Mallory turned away. "This is the fourth victim. All female - all with their faces hacked by this nut." She replaced the sheet and began to survey the apartment.

"It doesn't make any sense," he said after his stomach settled. "Victims' faces are mutilated to hide their identity. But -"

"But this apartment's filled with pictures, documents and all sorts of identification," she said, thumbing through the desk drawers. "The murderer didn't bother to remove so much as the driver's license. Look, it's still here. Right next to her keys." She tossed the flimsy piece of plastic to her partner after giving it a quick glance.

He studied the item carefully. "Sarah Conner," he cast a glance towards the corpse. "Age 19."

"Come on," she said flatly. "Let's get back to the station."

Give Thanks

Thanksgiving is a time where the world seems to halt and people put aside their differences for a few hours to come together and...well, eat. Traditionally, this day is spent with family rather than friends. But the more I think about it, I can't help but to think that my friends--through never separating from my side and always being there for support and guidance--have in their own unique way, become like a second family to me.

It really became apparent to me how much like a family we actually resemble about a week ago we had decided to have our own Thanksgiving "feast" before school let out. Everyone really came together, organized and contributed to make sure we had a great meal. We talked, we laughed and we ate. And ate. And ate!

So, this year, I'm giving thanks to you:

Rachel - The textbook definition of what a best friend should be. You've helped me through a lot and have given me more than you'll ever realize. Thank you for... EVERYTHING (I mean it. Everything!).

Aaron - Aaron, Aaron, Aaron...You make me smile. A lot. Whether it was hotels or car rides, you were never afraid to share with me. Thank you for... being such a great listener. (Especially with me as a friend because I know I talk entirely too much!)

Mel - My sweet Mel-y Mel... Ah, who would've thought that I actually got something out of Dr. Micelle's class? Well, may not have learned much about America, but we did find each other. Thank you for... being who you are and showing me that I can be who I am as well.

Harrison - You keep me grounded in reality when my mind wants to fly into fantasy. Always there with a "shank" or pizza slicer when things get heated. Thank you for... being so brave and teaching me to be brave too.

Sadie - My "twin" (I was just born a month later). You know what I'm thinking before I get the chance to find the words. It's good to know someone who not only understands you, but can teach you things about yourself when you're too naive to even look. Thank you for... showing me that adventurous isn't always dangerous.

And to everyone else - You each have given me unique gifts through our experiences together. And I thank you.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Dallas, for REAL!

A year ago, if you would've asked me where I was on a certain school day and I responded with "Dallas," chances were I wasn't talking about Texas. English III AP gave birth to "Dallas" - as in, 'What?!! REHUGO's due when? I think I might in..-cough- Dallas that day.' I gotta thank Harrison for "Dallas."One, because Christa actually bought it (most of the time) and because it was 3rd hour's little secret.

Well, six half asleep-filled hours later, I can honestly say I'm in Dallas. Texas. Really! Okay, so maybe, technically I'm in Wylie, Texas. But it's close enough, right? Wylie's about 15 - 20 miles outside of Dallas and more people can relate to Dallas than Wylie. So, let's just say I'm in Dallas.

Because, honestly, I'll probably never truly be able to say it again.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Being Sick Sucks

Okay, so...

Being sick sucks. I mean, really. Today, I'm stuck at home because I'm too sick to go to work. Everything hurts. Breathing means coughing. Talking is a pain. Forget about tasting anything.

Well, I'm taking what little energy I have and climbing into bed.

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

I Wish...

My Wish

Starlight, star bright
first star I see tonight
I wish I may,
I wish I might
have the wish I wish tonight.

I wish I knew what to say
I wish I knew a way
to make you feel happy
again
I wish I could see you smile
again

And again and again, I wish
Oh, how I wish
I close my eyes
and I wish
I turn to the sky
and I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish

Starlight, star bright
I wish I may
I wish with all my might
I wish I could make everything right

(To the one who's always been there for me.
Now it's my turn.)

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Go Bucs! LOL.

The school spirit at my high school is just awesome. The team played an away game nearly 3 hours away and nearly 3/4's of school was absent. Wow!

I love driving. It's a lot more relaxing when you actually have your license. But it's also great when you're not barrelling down McNeese street trying to get to the freshmen parking lot across the street so that you can get the best spot in the middle of the day, be able to cross the street (alive) and walk nearly 2 blocks to class to be on time. Yeah...driving's great. Especially without mailboxes! (totally came out of nowhere...?)

So far, that's the highlight of my weekend. Can't really tell too much about the rest...since I was "at that game" and all...

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Blogging

H'okay, so I'm trying to blog everyday. It's hard (funny, I usually like that...^_~). But, seriously, my life isn't that interesting and my imagination only goes so far. But, here goes:

It was cold today. I didn't like it. It's okay to be single when it's hot. Then you can flaunt yourself in those unforgiving outfits and catch everyone's eye. But in November, you're all huddled together in a corner trying not to freeze to death in your capris because you've just realized that you really only have one pair of uniform pants but that never seemed to be a problem because Louisiana only has two seasons: football and hot. Sigh. Cold weather sucks. Especially when you're single.

I don't mind being single, though. I guess it just stands out more in cold weather like this. In fact, I like being single. If I wasn't single...well, hotels.... heh heh.

But it's almost the weekend. Yay! Maybe I'll have more to write about then...

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Underestimation

"My lord, the armies are marching," the commander said breathlessly.

Henry, the ruler of the soon to be invaded lands sighed heavily as he tore himself away from his desk. Signed, unsigned and unread papers scattered the structure. He had been pouring himself over his work like he did nearly every night over the past few days. "Not to worry," he said dryly, "they'll never get past the southern wall; it's impenetrable. We'll have the armies ready by morning and--,"

"But, my lord," he interrupted, "the armies have breached the southern wall. And it is morning."

It was then the commander went to the window. In one swift motion, he drew back the curtains. A steady stream of bright light filled the room. Henry remained unmoved. It was as if the light didn't phase him at all. "What am I to do? My father leaves the kingdom in my care for two weeks and it will be destroyed before he returns. Send word to my brother. Immediately."

"Henry, are you sure? As the eldest son, you have a duty to--,"

He brought his fist down hard on the table with a loud thud that echoed through the room. With piercing gray eyes, he shot a look of rage at he commander. "Do not remind me of my duty to this kingdom! Now, send for my brother."

The commander bowed lowly. "As you wish, my lord."

With that, he left Henry to his thoughts as he went to find the next heir. Brian was his name. He was younger than Henry by nearly six minutes; making Henry the legal heir to the throne. But the boys had a strong connection. There seemed to be no decision Henry made without consulting his brother first. The advisers highly suggested against this. It wasn't right for the eldest son to turn to his younger brother for help. Especially on matters of state. But with the armies marching, what choice did they have?

"Lock the doors, Brian," he said without looking up from his desk.

He turned and obeyed before taking a seat across from his brother, the King in their father's absence. "Henry, the commander says you sent for me. What is it?"

"Have you not heard? The armies are marching, Brian. They've conquered the southern wall! I...I don't know what to do. It should be you here instead of me. You--,"

Brian smiled. It was only when the two were alone did Henry show his true feelings; his weaknesses. "My dear brother, you underestimate yourself yet again. I will help you through this but you mustn't panic. Now," Brian stood and held his hands out before Henry, "Give me your hands."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Bri--,"

Brian's eyes were closed as if he were concentrated on some invisible force. "Shhh! Your hands, Henry."

He obeyed.

"Heh, two born under the powers of the sun..."

"One who sees all..."

"And the other sees none."

As his hands rested against Brian's palms, the room became silent. Then, very softly at first, Brian began to sing an old chantment. The song was hardly above a low grumble at first, then grew stronger as he gently squeezed his Henry's hands. A bead of sweat formed above Brian's brow; his eyes clenching tighter together. He began swaying from side to side, singing faster and faster as if possessed by some unseen spirit. With great force, Brian was repelled from his brother in a burst of light. He sank back into the chair across from Henry and breathed heavily. "Heh, I almost forgot how tiring that could be."

"Well... What did you see? Will the armies prevail? What will happen to the kingdom? Brian, what did you see? Tell me."

After a moment's pause, he took a deep breath and began. "Yes," he said, "I have seen the battle. But it is unlike anything I have seen before. This general is fueled by more than greed. He fights for more than fame and glory. Henry, he fights for revenge."

"Revenge?" He nodded. "It is as if his soldiers have no hearts. They cut down anyone who stands in their way... I saw babes ripped from their mother's arms and slaughtered. I heard their cries of anguish and despair just before the order was given to..."

"It's alright, Brian. I understand it is too much for you." Henry said gently. "But I must ask you one more question, brother. Can I defeat him?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "But be warned, Henry, do not underestimate him. I can assure you the moment you begin to get confident, the gods will strike you where you stand. They are not pleased with your advantage. And that is why they have not shown me the result of the battle. I do not know who will have the last blow. But the gods have made it perfectly clear that someone will die before the sun sets this day."

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.

Once Again

I find myself feeling things I once thought were quite possible for me to feel again. It's strange, actually. For a long time, I believed you can change anything with a will and a way. How naive. How stupid I had been. Then. I now realize there is a delicate balance to every element of one's life. There are choices and there are consequences. Unfortunately, every choice I see myself making in the near future comes a high cost. A consequence. An imbalance, if you will.

There's a flaw in my theory, of course. I suppose I am underestimating the compacity of the human heart and the hunger of the human mind. It's not unusual, though. We each have our own experiences, thoughts and drives--the lenses through which we view our lives, and in turn the lives of others. It's funny, really, to be so naive as to think you are the only one, at any given moment, anywhere going through what you are. I may bitch and moan about my life and stress over this upcomming decision but there are worse things. Much worse.

However, my lense is greatly distorted. I've come to realize I am one spoiled, selfish bitch, who will give her time only to those seemingly worthy of it. Oh, you're a homeless veteran with no shoes, tattered clothes, on the side of Exit 48 on I-10, in need of spare change? Get a job, bum! So you say you dropped out of high school at 15 to raise your children? Should've made better decisions, babe. Did you just say you're new here and have no friends? Here, come and sit with us; we don't judge. Wait, Rachel, you're having a bad day and haven't finished your World Geo. assignment? No worries, I'll do it for you. How generous.

In short (to quote Kelly Clarkson's 2003 song, "The Trouble with Love Is") :

Love can be a many splendored thing

Can't deny the joy it brings

A dozen roses, diamond rings

Dreams for sale and fairy tales

It'll make you hear a symphony

And you just want the world to see

But like a drug that makes you blind,

It'll fool ya every time...

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all...

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.