Once Again

I find myself feeling things I once thought were quite possible for me to feel again. It's strange, actually. For a long time, I believed you can change anything with a will and a way. How naive. How stupid I had been. Then. I now realize there is a delicate balance to every element of one's life. There are choices and there are consequences. Unfortunately, every choice I see myself making in the near future comes a high cost. A consequence. An imbalance, if you will.

There's a flaw in my theory, of course. I suppose I am underestimating the compacity of the human heart and the hunger of the human mind. It's not unusual, though. We each have our own experiences, thoughts and drives--the lenses through which we view our lives, and in turn the lives of others. It's funny, really, to be so naive as to think you are the only one, at any given moment, anywhere going through what you are. I may bitch and moan about my life and stress over this upcomming decision but there are worse things. Much worse.

However, my lense is greatly distorted. I've come to realize I am one spoiled, selfish bitch, who will give her time only to those seemingly worthy of it. Oh, you're a homeless veteran with no shoes, tattered clothes, on the side of Exit 48 on I-10, in need of spare change? Get a job, bum! So you say you dropped out of high school at 15 to raise your children? Should've made better decisions, babe. Did you just say you're new here and have no friends? Here, come and sit with us; we don't judge. Wait, Rachel, you're having a bad day and haven't finished your World Geo. assignment? No worries, I'll do it for you. How generous.

In short (to quote Kelly Clarkson's 2003 song, "The Trouble with Love Is") :

Love can be a many splendored thing

Can't deny the joy it brings

A dozen roses, diamond rings

Dreams for sale and fairy tales

It'll make you hear a symphony

And you just want the world to see

But like a drug that makes you blind,

It'll fool ya every time...

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger than your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See, you got no say at all...

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.