Unwell

I haven't been writing much lately. Before, I couldn't write because I didn't need the escape. Happiness. Bliss. And I'm still happy. It just takes a lot more to make me smile these days. Before, waking up made me smile. It meant a new day of opportunities, another day of living, and one more day closer to going home. But now I wake up and want to cry...

I'm crying a lot more these days. On average, I'd say a "good" day is one when I manage to only cry twice. I can't explain it--maybe I'm depressed. Or it could just be stress taking its toll on me. I'm sleeping more too. Hours pass in one sleeping spell. That's not good.

My hair is falling out as well. At first, I thought it was normal. Just shedding or something. But I'm starting to find clumps tangled in the bristles of my brush.

Maybe I'm just a silly, emotional girl afterall.

Things set me off a lot more easily now. The other night, I was listening to music to calm me. To make myself sleepy because it was late and I needed my body to get used to sleeping at night after sleeping most of the day. One song sent me bawling, realizing how much I missed him. So I change to another song, which sings the story of us. And I cry some more because I realize how much I need him.

School is hard as well. That sends me into more crying fits. And that I know is stress. Or something. I'm a wreck. A shaky ball of nerves surrounded by anxiety sprinkled with stress.

Have people around me helps. When I'm in the company of others, things seem better. There's laughter. Even if it's not my own. It's something. I don't like being alone these days.

For those actually reading this, I'm sorry. Not my usual stuff, I know. I'm not one to talk about my feelings. Ever. I keep quiet, never wanting to be an inconvenience. Never wanting to ruffle any feathers. Never wanting to make things difficult on those I care about. No worries, right? But I have all these emotions moving around in me and I feel if I don't have some sort of release, I'm going to explode. Metaphorically, of course. I think. I hope.