Time for a bit of Scheduled Maintainence

Well, it's that time of the year again. The end. At least, academically speaking. So, of course, as I look around, a lot of my friends seem to be doing a great deal of reflecting. It almost seems inevitable at this point. How was the school year? What am I looking forward to this summer? What am I up to? Blah blah blah...

I have no desire to reflect on this past semester. I did what I could. Period. Whether you take that as what I wanted to or what I'm actually capable of, that's up to you. I'm satisfied with my grades. End of story.

So I'm going to take this time to reflect. Inwardly. (I'm really just going to free write at this point. I just need to flush out some thoughts)

I have so many thoughts on my mind, really. Some fully formed. Some just whispers. Some fading memories. Everything all jumbled up inside my mind. I find it hard to give these thoughts voice. Hearing them out loud makes it harder for them to go away. It's easy to push thoughts back to the deep, dark recesses of your mind but words... Words are a different beast altogether.

I once wrote that writing makes it real. Well, spoken words tend to have that affect as well. Not only do you hear what you're feeling, fearing, worried about.. but someone else will as well. Whoever you're telling now bears all that plagues you. Now they share the anxiety. And, to me, that's just not fair. I don't want anyone else to carry my cross. I'd rather be crushed under the weight myself. That way, I'm the only one who suffers.

There is one person who I trust completely. One person who I know I can tell my secrets to without fear of sharing burdens. That is because this girl is the strongest person I know. Nothing can break her. She's a phoenix. I've seen life throw so many things at this girl and still, she takes it all in stride, with a smile. I admire her. A little jealous, too. She never complains or whines (at least not to me). She's driven. She's my best friend.

There are so many things I wish to tell her...