You can be anything you want to be... But will you?

Over the past few days, I've realized a few things. These realizations have come to me as a result of religiously watching the DNC for two days straight. After watching both Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton give their soon to be world-famous and moving speeches, I've realized.. I suck. Seriously. These two women stood up in front of hundreds of thousands of people (not to mention the millions--like me--watching at home) and passionately delivered speeches that would move anyone with a heartbeat. They talked about the struggles of their parents in order to make a better life for their children. Their own struggle to overcome even more obstacles for their children. And I thought to myself, "You know, Hawkins (because I always call myself 'Hawkins' in my head), they're right." These women are absolutely right.

My parents have worked so hard and will continue to work hard to send both of their children to college and see them graduate. Now that my older sister has achieved that goal for herself, the pressure's really on me now, I suppose. I used to think, "Okay, they want me to go to college to make something of myself. To get out of the house or pay rent to stay." But now I realize my parents just want me to succeed. A success, mind you, by my standards and my standards alone. To not only graduate, but be confident enough to push my book (which I really hope to complete something by graduation) on publishers or go on to grad school.

But I'm stuck. Stuck between the naive writer I am and the polished (published) author I need to become. Stuck between the dedicated artist I need to be and the lazy bitch I really am. Stuck between an idealist and a realist. Stuck between... SO MUCH, it seems. I don't know how I will make the jump I need to be successful. I don't have a plan or calendar or deadline or anything that would push me to do well. I just have... me. And the desire, the passion, the want to be an author. There is no plan B, though. No alternate career choice. "No doubling back," as Jason Mraz would say (though I don't think I'm using the term correctly now).

So, today, I'm making a promise. To myself. To you. To my parents. To Michelle Obama. To Hillary Clinton. To future generations. And I promise I will make you proud; I will not let your hard work go unnoticed; I will not let the American dream pass me by; I will give you something to read and enjoy. I will be an inspiration to someone, somewhere just as my idol, Anne Rice, has been to me. I will complete something. And it will be great.

If you've been keeping up with this blog, then prepare to see more shorts. More poems. More creative... pieces. And, hopefully, a lot of them will be completed. I want to do this. I have to do this. I will do this!

.:~o*'Kaylyn'*o~:.